


Feeling Distant

by changedformeandthatsokay



Category: PVRIS (Band)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-24
Updated: 2017-10-24
Packaged: 2019-01-22 16:37:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,725
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12486068
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/changedformeandthatsokay/pseuds/changedformeandthatsokay
Summary: You’re on tour with them for a while and Lynn is distant and you get insecure and jealous.





	Feeling Distant

**Author's Note:**

> prompting myself here a little. idk just go with it lol it ended up being longer than i thought. also i got super punctuation happy and didn’t go back and fix anything.

You were on tour with them for 2 weeks so you could spend time with her. She’s been distant and even a little moody since you got here, but you’re trying not to read into it. You hate confrontation and bringing up stuff about your relationship while you’re on tour is not something you want to do, Lynn gets stressed out about touring as it is. 

You’re lying down in Lynn’s bunk on the tour bus waiting for the meet and greet to get over. Between meet and greet and showtime there’s a small break for Lynn to hang out with you backstage while the supporting acts play or just sit with you for a few quiet moments on the bus (not that she’s done it a lot, but she’s always at least come and found you right after). She always at least showed you what the fans gave them during the meet and greet. 

You checked your watch and noticed she was late. Meet and greet never goes past this time. The aching in your chest grew slightly bigger. God, coming on tour was supposed to make you feel  _less_ lonely, not  _more_  lonely. 

It’s been little things building up that have made it feel terrible. Like last night you never even felt her come to bed. Sharing the small bunk wasn’t hard at all - you normally sleep on top of each other anyway, but after going to bed at midnight you never felt Lynn’s body next to you. 

After a few more minutes of laying in her bunk waiting on the hug that obviously wasn’t coming, you decided to get up and go into the venue to look for her. Maybe there was a reason. 

A few of the roadies waved at you on your way in and you smiled back. Party Nails was already getting stuff ready to go out there and perform, and Lynn was nowhere to be found. 

You kept walking around and looking behind some of the doors backstage. Eventually you opened the right one and Lynn was sitting on a couch with Lights and they were laughing. You know it’s stupid and Lights is married but the pang of hurt and jealousy that just ran through your heart felt like a freight train going through you. 

“Hey guys, there you are.” You did well at keeping your composure though and faked a smile when they waved at you. 

“Hey! Come sit with us!” Lights was her smiley and adorable self, always upbeat and always so nice. Being jealous of someone so perfect was an extra little stab.

“We were just about to do a livestream on Instagram, Lights was just saying we should tattoo each other with Sharpie,” Lynn said, setting up the cameras. 

You sat down in the chair across from them trying very hard to not look sad. 

The whole livestream was adorable and Lynn looked happier than she had the entire time you had been with her on tour. How could you compete with that? Obviously you weren’t making her happy. You knew nothing was going on with Lights but just the knowledge that you weren’t enough was enough to send you into a spiraling panic attack. 

You had to get out of there so you got up and walked out, wishing you could have at least said good luck tonight, but you couldn’t have done it without crying. 

You walked right out the back door, past the tour bus, and walked out onto the streets. Surely there’s a bar around here. 

…

A couple of drinks later you finally look down at your phone - panic attack calming down. One small text from Brian that said “where did you go?” It wasn’t even from Lynn. Your anxiety was in full swing, all those looping thoughts of “she doesn’t care, she doesn’t care” running around and around in your head. Feeling so heartbroken was exhausting. Coming on tour was a mistake. Maybe there’s an online forum somewhere for girlfriends of famous musicians with tips on what the fuck to do. 

One more drink, and then you’ll go back. Then again, if you go back it’ll just seem like nothing is wrong. Stay missing and then maybe she’ll care. Or maybe she wouldn’t notice and they would just get on the bus and head on to the next city without me. Maybe Brian would at least remind her to look for me. Hah. 

God, you can feel how toxic these drunken thoughts are but they hurt so good - all that frustration and anger and hurt all finally being dealt with in your head and not just sitting in quiet denial anymore. 

You paid and got up, determined not to be the sloppy girlfriend on top of everything else, and walked back to the venue. 

There were tons of girls already lined up outside of the tour bus waiting for the band to come out and spend time with them. “Yeah good luck, maybe you’ll get more out of her than I have”, you thought bitterly as you tried to make your way in through the front, hoping doors weren’t locked already. 

With the show over it was much easier to make your way backstage and make your way to the bus. But not before Lynn finds you. 

“Where the hell have you been?” Lynn snapped as she came around the corner.

“I, uh, I went to a bar,” You tried so hard to keep it together and not just burst into tears at her feet. 

“You went…to a bar.” Lynn looked angry and dumbfounded. 

“Yeah, it was just right down the road,” You found it hard to keep her gaze. 

Lynn looked really angry and that made you feel even worse, god, what is wrong with you?

“Why did you go to a bar?” Lynn threw her hands up. “Like, I get it, I’m sure it sucks being stuck here and having to listen to our same stupid show every goddamn night, but you could have at least bothered to tell me you were leaving!”

You couldn’t speak. None of the words would come out and everything was bottlenecked as you tried to explain yourself. That’s when the tears came. You couldn’t hold it in anymore - you couldn’t explain yourself or give her a proper response, you just put your head in your hands and sobbed. 

“What…” You heard Lynn say as she wrapped her arms around you and that just made you cry harder. Maybe the alcohol was a terrible idea, there’s no way you would lose it like this in public otherwise. 

“Baby, please, what happened?” Lynn held you tighter. “What’s wrong?”

She kept holding you tight to her chest, rocking you and stroking your hair, just waiting for you to talk. 

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell anyone, I didn’t plan on leaving, I just did.” You pulled back and tried to wipe your face off.

“Okay… can you tell me why?” Lynn sounded like she was talking to a child and that made you feel awful too, like she has to take care of you all the time. 

“I just, I miss you. You’ve been so distant and moody towards me and I just thought it was stress for a while but then I saw how you were around Lights and it was like seeing normal Lynn again and then I thought maybe it was me..” 

“Wha-” Lynn tried responding but you knew you wanted to get everything out so you kept talking. 

“and you didn’t come see me after the meet and greet today, which is fine, like, i get it - you’re busy, but you were hanging out with Lights and didn’t even text me and you didn’t even come to bed last night and I can’t remember the last full conversation we had that wasn’t small talk and goddamn it Lynn i just miss you and I really don’t want things to end between us, especially if it’s something I did or said and-”

 Lynn cut you off, she grabbed your face with both of her hands and said, “Babe, please, stop. I love you. I am so sorry you ever thought or felt any of this. I had no idea how I was treating you and I am so fucking sorry” she kissed your forehead, “and I promise you that it is not you, I love having you here. I have a really shitty way of showing it obviously, but I wouldn’t be doing as well on tour without you here. I’m beyond stressed out because of my voice - that’s what Lights and I were doing after meet and greet, she was helping me figure out how to hit some of these notes with the trouble i’ve been having with my vocal chords, you just happened to walk in on us goofing off after, i’m sorry i didn’t at least text you and tell you what i was doing because i totally should have, that was supposed to be our time together and I stood you up, i’m sorry.”

Lynn wiped your face and brings your foreheads together. 

“I love you and I’m so sorry that I’ve been pushing you away instead of pulling you closer because you  _are_  my rock and you  _are_  what helps me get through anything.”

She brought your lips together and everything felt like it literally melted away. God, how long has it been since she’s kissed you? This was exactly what you needed. 

You pulled back and took a deep breath and smiled a small smile and said, “it’s okay.”

“It isn’t, it really is not okay, you’re only with me for 2 weeks and I make one of those weeks miserable I am so sorry.”

“I forgive you, it’s okay. I’m just glad we’re okay,” You hugged her tightly.

“We’re perfect” Lynn pulled you even closer. 

“I’m sorry about your voice. I think you’re perfect still.” You whispered.

“I’m sorry I’m a self absorbed asshole. Thank you for putting up with me.” She whispered. 

You both chuckled and pulled back to look at each other. 

“You’re not an asshole,” you laughed and shook your head, “come on, let’s go make you some hot tea for your throat.” 

You pulled Lynn onto the bus and avoided everyone’s awkward staring. 

Guess they saw all that. Whoops. 


End file.
